


Myth and Man

by Cluegirl



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Thor Is Not Stupid, Tony lacks skills, ask box fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 07:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2723390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cluegirl/pseuds/Cluegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyburg challenged me with this prompt -- Sand, it's everywhere Worthy Fondue.<br/>And here's what I did with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Myth and Man

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kyburg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyburg/gifts).



> This work was posted free of charge at archiveofourown.org. Readers are welcome to download this work from AO3 **for their own personal and private use** , but if you are reading it on a site you must pay to access, then you are being robbed, and so am I. Please exit the site and go to archiveofourown.org, where you can find this and the rest of my derivative works under the handle of Cluegirl.

"Look, Tone, why is this such a big deal to you?" The voice is distant, mechanized over the telephone’s speakers, but Thor thinks he recognizes Iron Man’s shieldbrother, the War Machine in the cadence and tone of exasperated patience. "So the guy doesn’t want to learn to surf, it’s a free country. It’s not like he stole your armor or kidnapped your girlfriend."

Predictably, given his state of agitation after the fight he had picked with the Captain down on the beach, Tony is not welcoming to his friend’s calming advice. ”Ha fucking ha, Rhodes. I asked the guy here for a celebration, all right? Not to ruin Pepper’s birthday weekend by being a gigantic downer! I think it’s fair to expect the guy to unbend a little at a damned party.”

"I think it’s fair to remember that he interrupted his search for his brainwashed best friend to even COME to your party," the reply comes wrapped in a tangible eyeroll. Thor can’t help but smile.

Especially when Tony interrupts with a petulant, “PEPPER’S party.”

"So if he’s not especially ebullient, I’d think you could maybe cut him a little slack," Colonel Rhodes goes on. "He did bring Wilson along, after all."

And again, Thor has to smile, recalling Tony’s dwarflike, manic glee at realizing he had a new hero to outfit, a new challenge to overcome, and a new inventor’s work to shame. Wilson had been bemused at the attention, but had risen to it with a shrug and a canny, worldly self-interest that Thor could only appreciate. 

Tony’s petulance, however, was not to be so easily assuaged. ”Yeah, well Wilson was useless too — all that ‘I’m not taking sides’ crap. You’d think a VA counselor would know the value of getting back on the damned horse!”

Thor frowns, combing his memory, but failing to recall any trace of horses on the beach that morning. 

"Or maybe he knows better than to emotionally blackmail a soldier who nearly drowned last year to dive back into the water again before he’s ready," Rhodes observes in an unimpressed tone. "I know you understand PTSD better than that, Tone."

Tony makes a rude hissing noise, and clanks some tools together. ”Bull. If Cap was gonna go doolally over deep water, he’d have done it after the plane crash/ice bath thing, but SHIELD ops records say he was diving out of aircraft without a chute whenever he could, and-“

"Some people deal with fear in their own way-"

"Some people deal with fear like utter morons who don’t understand that Newton’s Third Law of Momentum isn’t just a suggestion-"

"And it still doesn’t mean you get to force him to learn to surf if he doesn’t-"

"Who tried to force him? I didn’t try to force him. How could I force him? He’s like twice as big as me, and he rips logs in half with his fingernails. There was no force."

"Sure. Which is why you two were shouting at each other when I left."

"Well that was just because _he’s_ a stubborn asshole who won’t unbend and pull the stick out of his-“

And having heard enough to satisfy his wariness, Thor pushes open the door to Tony’s workshop and coughs lightly to make his presence known.

"And since when does he get a pass on comparing me to — Hey there, Disney Prince, what’s shakin!" Tony’s rant diverts to another of his silly names in an instant. It's annoying, but not a patch on the kind of playful irritation Loki could bring to bear, and so Thor schools his expression to politely baffled, not wanting to give the inventor’s fractious mood anything on which to catch and seethe.

"Shaking?" He blinks, and pretends to consider. "I saw some dancers by the hotel who appeared to be…" Watching Tony try and conceal his eyeroll is its own reward, really.

"Figure of speech, big guy," he interrupts hastily. "You just come down for a visit, or did you need something?"

"No," he allows himself a smirk here, "my needs are well met, my friend. I have merely come down to tell you that the Captain, his friend Samuel, and I will not be joining the company for dinner tonight." Tony’s face clenches down, gloomy and threatening, but Thor presses onward before the storm can break. "We will be attending a Thynge with a pod of dolphins out by the reef this evening, and the boatman will be leaving well before the board is set."

He watches Tony puzzle out his meaning, but it is the distant voice of Colonel Rhodes that solves it first. ”You mean that swim with the dolphins harbor cruise, right?” he asks. ”I saw flyers for that in the airport when I came in.”

"Just so," Thor allows as the storm returns to Tony’s face, and hardens to something brittle in his eyes.

He masters whatever vicious impulse is haunting his tongue though, strangely less ready to goad Thor’s temper than he ever was with Steven’s. ”Well that’s gonna be a fun outing for you if he’s still too scared to go in the water,” he resigns himself to sneering.

Thor’s humor escapes his rein here, and so he claps a jostling hand onto Tony’s shoulder by way of emphasis that the farce of life is better thus met as he says, “You take his meaning awry, my friend. Steven is not fearful of the water at all — especially not such calm, sun-warmed waters as these.”

"Then why was he such a douche when I offered to teach him to-"

"When you interrupted his lunch to insist you were going to teach his pasty white, uptight ass to surf right then, you mean?" Rhodes puts in a more accurate recounting from a distance — the privilege of long acquaintance making the correction a tease rather than a goad.

"I asked him this question exactly," Thor interrupts Tony’s response again, his innocent smile back in place now. "He told me that it was not the water to which he objects, but rather the sand."

Tony blinks. ”The sand?”

"Aye." And here, Thor lets his smile grow teeth and gleam a bit as he leans close, as if to murmur confidence into Tony’s ear. "He tells me it gets simply _everywhere_ …”

Distantly, Colonel Rhodes chokes on his laughter, and drops his speaking device. Under Thor’s hand, Tony Stark gapes openly, fish like until the clapping of said hand to his shoulder brings up a pained wince.

"I will leave you to your friend," Thor says cheerily as he turns back toward the door. "And perhaps we might all attempt snorkeling tomorrow. I have heard the reefs nearby are a wonder to see. Oh yes, that reminds me," he paused on the threshold to glance back at his host, not bothering to hide his smirk as he adds, "The supply of lubricating oil in my room is nearly gone, and I believe Steven’s room suffers the same shortfall."

He had not thought Tony’s jaw _could_ fall any farther without injuring the man. He had been wrong. ”I.” Tony splutters. ”You. _Lube?_ ”

Thor nods. ”Just so.”

"You’ve only been in Hawaii for _three days!_ ”

From the speakers comes the sound of Colonel Rhodes falling off his chair, laughing all the while. Thor overlooks the man’s hilarity and gives his host a decisive nod.

"And two nights," he adds, showing his smugness and his teeth in full measure. "At your convenience, Anthony, I thank you. Good evening."

And then he lets the door swing shut behind him, blocking out the rising tide of Tony Stark's reaction, whatever it might be. It is better for both their temperaments, he thinks -- both Steven's and his own -- that they will not be present to see it. Imagining it will be more entertaining anyhow.


End file.
